I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
Randomize
