We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
Randomize
