Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
Its where this guy sticks a jar up his ass. Be prepared to be suspended between vomiting and cheering.
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
My dick has a subreddit
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
Randomize
