Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
Randomize
