I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
what day is it and did you see me today?
Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
Randomize
