It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
I just sucked dick on a ferry
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
Randomize
