Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
So just to get a feel for things...how prone are you to male Amish strippers...
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
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