I think i peed on brittanys purse
would you ever date a girl who drove an 89 Chrysler LeBaron? - for the record it's a convertable
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
Randomize
