quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
Randomize
