If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
This is my gift to your gina
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
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