I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
walkin home..,.jsut saw the cheshire cat
watch out for the queen of hearts
fuucck i forgot ab her
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
Randomize
