in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
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