Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
I wonder if those guys know that i know that is a halfway house and dont just think it is some cool older guy frat house.
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
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