doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
Randomize
