I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
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