So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
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