It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
I love you.
Bad choice
Randomize
