Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
Thank you, I really appreciate that. I know I couldn't participate in class tonight and I hope that doesn't affect my grade too much. So please let me know of any extra credit opportunities such as fellatio
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
Randomize
