Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
yay america 4th of july drinking game. take a drink every time you hear or see a firework, finish your drink for a mention of mj or the gosselins, a shot for the words democracy,hope, freedom, terrorism
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
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