you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
Randomize
