Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
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