he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
Randomize
