Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
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