i permit you to call me
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
Randomize
