Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
Randomize
