if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
Randomize
