What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
Where you are. You must stay where you are are
Where you are. You must stay where you are arewhere are youu
Where you are. You must stay where you 5eare wher are you!!
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
Randomize
