I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
Randomize
