ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
It all started with a game of naked twister.
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
Randomize
