i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
Randomize
