You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
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