haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
So not the biggest tits he had his cock between. He could have lied.
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
Randomize
