why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Randomize
