Where you are. You must stay where you are are
Where you are. You must stay where you are arewhere are youu
Where you are. You must stay where you 5eare wher are you!!
I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
Randomize
