I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
she has a miserable personality but its a good think you dont have sex with that
pussy has no personality
Amen to that
Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
Randomize
