She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
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