me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
Charles is a playa. And I don't mean the spanish word for beach.
so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
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