I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
me and my sister are feeding my dog poprocks. this is proof you don't need a lot of money to have fun.
I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
Randomize
