i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
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