I'd wear matching sweaters with you
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
Just finished my law exam. Questions 4-18 seemed to pertain specifically to things we've done this semester.
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
All the doctor said was why
Randomize
