i cvme to yuor rooom...wherer are youf?
please be gone before i get back
roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
Don't know whats worst me sharding on her a bit or her believing me when i told her she did it...
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
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