pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
Randomize
