She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
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