"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
Randomize
