Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
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