who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
Randomize
