I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
Randomize
