Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
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