weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
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