i may or may not be watching the land before time
don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
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