Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
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