So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
I think my nap took me to another dimension
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
Randomize
